Let’s Talk About the Onlyfire Universal Cast Iron Griddle: The Hero (or Headache) of Your Feast

If you love the drama of a big cookout—plenty of food, plenty of people, and honestly a fair amount of mess—the Onlyfire Universal Cast Iron Griddle steps up like a real champ. This thing’s a classic heavyweight, and not just figuratively.

So, here’s the first reality check: this griddle is a massive slab of cast iron, roughly two feet by a bit more than a foot, and plenty thick. The upside is obvious—if you’ve got a family reunion on your hands, or just a few hungry surfers rolling in at breakfast, you can knock out pancakes, eggs, spam musubi, and probably a week’s worth of leftovers in a single round. Sprawling out local veggies, fresh-caught fish, and marinated meats? You won’t run out of space.

But… and it’s a big but: do yourself a favor and actually check if your grill, stove, or kitchen counter is big enough for this beast. Not all “universal” fits are actually universal—some home grills just can’t handle this much iron. Please measure twice unless you want a real-life game of Tetris every time you cook.

Now for the not-so-fun: this griddle weighs as much as a cooler packed for a day at the beach. Over twenty pounds! “Portable” is being generous; once it lands somewhere, chances are it’s staying there until you get backup. Forget flipping it with one hand or tucking it quietly in a drawer—plan to give it serious shelf space.

Heat-wise, slow and steady wins the race. Don’t expect quick-fire breakfast; crank up the burners, go sip some coffee, and let it really heat through. Once it is rocking, though, the reward is even browning—seriously great for crispy mochiko chicken or even pancakes that actually cook evenly for once. No annoying hot spots, just even heat from side to side, so you can go wild with your island potluck dreams.

The flip side? That beautiful heat retention also means it cools slowly, so you’ll want to give cleaning your full attention after it’s safe to handle (and not before—ask me how I know). It’s pre-seasoned, so basic fried stuff doesn’t cling, but sticky-sweet marinades can require some real scrubbing strength. Don’t leave it wet. If you do, you’ll be staring at orange rust faster than milk goes sour in the sun. Also, I don’t care what they say: the little grease moat barely holds enough for three strips of bacon, so if you’re cooking up a fatty feast, be ready for a little smoke show or awkward grease juggling.

Speaking of cleaning, it’s about as exciting as untangling fishing net—definitely not my favorite post-party chore. It’s a ritual: scrape, rinse (no soap, or your kupuna might haunt you), dry fast, and a rubdown with oil. Yes, it’s a labor of love, or at least a commitment. If you aren’t the type to tend your tools, or you want something you can just throw in a dishwasher and ignore, run—don’t walk—to the nearest nonstick aisle instead.

Where this griddle shines, though, is outdoor gatherings or big island-style breakfasts, where you want that sizzling cast iron edge for grilled breadfruit, seared tofu, or a local-style eggplant medley. You’ve got room to work, and if you treat it right, it’ll outlast everything else in your kitchen. The flip side is obvious: it will never, ever be low-maintenance. Tiny kitchens? Forget it. Hate heavy lifting? Not your pan.

I’ll be blunt: If you crave the taste and style you only get from real, honest cast iron—and you don’t mind putting in a little sweat equity with every meal—this Onlyfire griddle is your go-to. But if you’d rather have fast, fuss-free breakfast with minimal cleanup and don’t enjoy heavy hauling, this one will just collect dust or, worse, dent your countertop. Choose with eyes wide open. For those of us who see cooking as an event, not just a chore, it’s pretty much irresistible. For everyone else, probably a total overkill.