OutdoorLines Waterproof Curtains—Let’s Talk About ‘Em

So, OutdoorLines Waterproof Curtains—let’s talk about ‘em. If you’re dreaming of hiding out on your tiny San Diego porch, sipping jamaica on a slow afternoon, and not being a peep show for everyone walking their corgi, here’s the real scoop.

First off, these curtains have a chill, unassuming look—plain beige, a little boring but honestly, that’s usually what works for outdoor setups. The fabric’s classic polyester: light, kinda breezy in the hand, hangs without drama, and—yes—has those shiny grommets on top. Any basic rod or string of cable and you’re set. We’re not talking fancy resort vibes, but you’re also not sending any “I gave up” signals.

Looks aside, these do a solid job cutting some of that relentless SoCal sun. Your eyes and your half-dead succulents will thank you. But privacy? That’s where things slide off the rails. This fabric doesn’t even try to pretend it’s blackout. Walk by at dusk and you’ll see outlines, shadows—honestly, whatever’s happening behind it. Might as well wave at anyone passing if you’re hoping to go incognito. If I had to compare, it’s closer to a mesh gym singlet than a cloak of invisibility.

Weather protection claims are a bit of a stretch. After a misty morning, sure, you’ll see tiny droplets rolling off. Looks reassuring—until we actually get weather. One wild gust or a March downpour and the party’s over. These curtains whip around like flags on the pier if you don’t tie them down. And let it rain for more than a quick drizzle, and you’ll have a pretty sad, wet curtain situation. Your porch furniture? Still begging for a real tarp or solid awning.

A couple things are on point. You don’t need a PhD in DIY to hang them—honestly, it’s easier than assembling my mom’s tamale steamer. Toss them up, toss them in the wash, done. They let fresh air move, so you get shade without building a mini-sauna. If that’s all you want, cool.

But let’s not skate past the dealbreakers. For actual privacy, these aren’t helping. For rain or wild wind, nope, nada, try again. If you live somewhere that gets strong gusts (hi, every coastal street in the county), they’ll be dancing all day unless you buy bungee cords or magnets or whatever. And “waterproof?” That claim is just begging for a skeptical eyebrow—think “mild dampness-resistant” unless you’ve got waterproofing magic spray hiding in the garage. Also, they run true-to-size if your porch is the size of a folding table; anything oddball and you might be left with a weird-looking gap at the bottom.

Bottom line: These curtains are fine for low-stake, beachy shade—when you care more about a light upgrade than keeping nosy neighbors out or surviving NorCal mood swings in weather. I’d call them “good enough” if your standards aren’t sky-high, your street’s too friendly to worry, and you’re basically just after a soft sun filter and open airflow. Expect more, and you’ll wish you’d kept your old faded sarape up there instead. Looking for fortress-level privacy or something that’ll survive La Niña? Keep searching—these aren’t your miracle. If you’re just about that porch life, and easy-breezy days, toss ‘em in your cart and move on with your life. Everyone else, you know what to do.